No, I Will Not Be Seeing Keep of Kalessin on That Tour, Thank You

I subscribe to Enter the Vault's mailing list, because I have a desperate need to know at least twice a week - in questionable grammar, no less - that Epica is on tour somewhere in this country. Today's edition actually got me excited for a few minutes, because it gave top billing to Nile's upcoming tour.

Actually, I lie: I couldn't give two shits about seeing Nile headline a show. I learned my lesson about seeing bands for whom variation is not a strong suit - Seth calls them bridesmaid acts - watching (or not watching) DragonForce. Putting myself through that experience again would just be silly.

No, what caught my eye was the inclusion of Keep of Kalessin on the bill, because I would very much to see them look evil on stage while singing about would-be deicides and zombie lords and whatever their new album is about. That excitement lasted all of five seconds, though: besides the objection to seeing Nile headline a show, Keep of Kalessin is second on a list of openers that includes two bands I've never heard of (Psycroptic and Pathology) and one that holds minimal interest (Ex Deo)...and the show is in a club on Long Island. Thirty to forty-five minute drive (each way) plus a maximum of thirty minutes of music I know I want to see equals Eric saving his money, playing Kolossus on his iPod, and hoping that Keep of Kalessin hooks into a more interesting and better situated package of bands in this touring cycle.