Lords of Chaos Becomes a Parady of Itself

How have I not written anything about the upcoming Lords of Chaos movie? Maybe I was just waiting for the idea to cross over from horrible to actually laugh-out-loud funny...and I think that time may have come. Some quotes from one of the movie's producers:

"It is a fascinating topic, a great visual world to depict, and a fun portrayal of Norway. Black metal is possibly the largest cultural export of Norway in the past twenty years."

Dude, you're totally going to piss off the Viking metal guys. They claimed the cultural export of Norway crown five years ago! Seriously, though: how is a movie about a group of alienated teenagers who took their subculture way too seriously going to be a fun portrayal of a whole country? Wouldn't that be like saying that Bowling for Columbine is a fun portrayal of the United States?

"It will be a story of youth and youthful energy, said Pollok, but he emphasized that the film will fall under the teen film category, and that it will be a psychological horror film."

Hence the casting of the lead from Twilight as Varg Vikernes. Not that I had any expectations about or desire to see this film, but my first thought after reading that sentence was that they should just turn the whole thing into a cartoon, Pixar style. Upon further reflection, however, that idea is ridiculous: why not exploit this whole thing to its fullest, take the horror idea to its fullest and make it a slasher film, replete with gore and the exposed flesh of the legions of mythical female black metal fans? It'll totally be a box office smash.